Q: “I’m going to a party and I don’t know the host or that many people who will be there. What do I do?”. - Anonymous
A: While I’m not a huge partier, I do have a few tips for you… and before you know it, you'll be miss social butterfly.
A few disclaimers:
In middle school, I always wondered when parties would begin to happen. Eventuallyyyy you will go out more (even if that only starts in senior year or in college). Keep these tips on hand for future use but don’t be stressed now if you aren’t invited to parties yet… it will happen!
Depending on where you live, you may never go to a high school party filled with strangers (or even want to). If you live in a larger city or town, the excitement of a party (at least in my eyes because of the girls school thing and all) is getting to meet new people. Meaning, you may know a few people but there will also be a lot of strangers around too. Believe it or not… this is a VERY good thing. No one knows you so you pretty much get a clean slate with each person you meet that night. Whether you are extremely outgoing or super shy… it’s go time for your extrovert self.
In LA, some parties are hosted at sketchy venues… This can be confusing and kinda sus (not a huge fan)... in this case, there's no real host and anyone who pays can get in. However, I’m assuming that most of my readers will end up at house parties more frequently. Unless you were personally invited and the party is small, it’s unnecessary to go out of your way to find the host and thank them. It’s very polite but possibly overly formal and so it just doesn’t need to happen. If you are introduced to the host, casually thank them and say that you’re having a good time.
If you’re like me, you can be outgoing and fun without the boldness and suaveness you would need when confidently approaching a boy. That’s why I say you first focus on befriending some of the other girls… just people to have a good time with throughout the night. When I was out the other night, I had a first hand view of my good friend approaching tons of different girls (btw you never go to a party alone!!! Always go with at least one friend!). She was sweet, saying things like ‘I love your top! Where is it from’ or ‘girl you look so good tonight’. Girls rarely compliment each other yet we are all so self conscious. A small, kind remark can go a long way in connecting with people. The moral of the story is if you can befriend sweet and fun girls, that will open up the door for you to meet more people at the party and in the future. They’ll know other people there and maybe even a few cute fellas wink wink.
While observing my friend that night, I learned a few more things about talking to guys. First though, you have to read this post on flirting and this post on conversation starters. Evenmore, in a party environment, she would find a way to separate herself from the other girls there by being super direct. She would introduce herself to him (key point) as if they were already close friends (big hug, very excited, etc) and the awkward barrier was broken. Immediately she’d say, ‘let me get your snap’ and follow up with the boring small talk questions. Literally, my friend would separate him from the rest of the party by saying she couldn’t hear him and pull him to the side or suggest going outside. Watching her do it with ease, this can be a good strategy. Like my friend, we can all try to be a bit more direct and super friendly… but also it’s ok to take a passive approach and survey the room to strategically place yourself in a location that receives a lot of traffic.
At a party, you’ll most likely see some mutuals that you have on instagram. Unintentionally, you will feel like a stalker because you know their name, where they go to school, and who their friends are just because of social media (but ofc you have never actually met them). I think we both know what I mean when I say it just feels awkward. Even if you ‘know of them’, introduce yourself like they are a complete stranger to you. Refrain from saying ‘oh I follow you on ig’ or ‘don’t you go to xxx school’... it comes off creepy and they probably don’t remember you so assume you have no clue who they are at all.
We got this,