Convo Starters And Holders

Hey little sis,

Let's talk about starting and holding a conversation (with someone you are meeting IN PERSON for the first time). Last weekend and also a few nights ago, my conversation skills were put to the test!!! I don’t really have guy best friends and with my girl best friends our conversations are so effortless and smooth I barely have to think about what to say... but with boys it is a different story. I am tongue tied and awkward. I think snapping someone is easy because you can plan out the conversation (partially why those relationships are so contrived) but that’s not real life. At this age, holding a conversation is hard because most guys are just so uninterested/awkward that they barely have the ability to reciprocate your energy or ask questions back while knowing how to interweave their own personality, with flirting, wit, and intelligence. In a weird way, maintaining a conversation can be the most BORING thing if you have to struggle to come up with follow up questions… and then when it’s over, you feel relieved and proud that you did a good job.

Wanna go up to them?

• Try to make a random comment

  • (joke about the atmosphere of wherever you are- what’s with the sunglasses inside, gosh it’s loud/hot in here, wanna go outside, what’s with the june gloom, It’s crazy how we don’t have to wear masks and stuff I feel exposed, haha)

• Ask a direct question

  • (where’s the bathroom, can you hold my phone for a sec while i fix my shoe, what are you drinking)

• Compliment

  • (sick shoes, omg i love that band, etc)

Easy route: you are so uncomfortably close to someone or keep exchanging eye contact to an awkward point that the only sensible thing you could do is say hey i’m sophia (and they’ll introduce yourself and you’ll go from there)

Boring small talk

• Where do you go to school… do you like it there *** you can make a joke about the school based on something you heard happen there or play into the stereotype of the people who go there (ex: ‘my friend says it’s like a prison’ or ‘ohhh so you’re like smart smart’ or ‘ah so you must be artsy’)

• Who do you know here

• What are you doing this summer

• Have you seen (random tv shows/movies) yet?

• Have you heard (musician)’s new album?

Similarities: Things you have in common with them

I feel like sports/hobbies are the next best route to go… if you’re feeling ballsy right after you ask about which sport or music they like, say ‘wait let me guess’... if you asked about sports, you can make up a random funny combo like ‘you play soccer but you’re an undercover robotics nerd’ or for music you could say ‘you tell people you like J cole/migos/pop smoke but we both know you like harry styles/taylor swift/shawn mendes’

• follow up to that: how tall are you ***then go back to back****, what position, etc

• make any little comment you can think of about that sport even if it’s super random

• ***THENNNNN (this is dependent on setting, who’s there, time of day, vibe) but you could say..... Do you have a video?! boys love to show off, especially if they’re good (skate, surf, track, golf). You lean in and slightly graze their hand and get close to them (this is why perfume is golden BUT remember not a gross victoria secret one)

• I hate this topic of convo but the transition is there... ask if they would play for college you can get into the college thing very easily (for middle schoolers you could ask if they’re gonna play in high school)

Tell a funny story

• About driving problems

• Trying to find a job

• An awkward situation that occurred recently

Something that’s so random like do they care? no. But also it’s a good opportunity to entertain yourself... Even if you’re not funny, drawing attention to anything slightly funny or interesting in your life will keep them engaged.

A few other tips

• Try to bring up many topics that you could continue on with in snapchat later. For example, this guy was telling me about his favorite musician which I had never heard of… then later that night I listened to it for a second and started a conversation on snapchat about it. Try and think of a photo you want to show him, a tiktok you were referencing, or really anything: ‘Give me your snap and I’ll send you the name later’ - boom. Snapchat game. Started. Easy.

(I made a pact to never again snap a guy without meeting him first. It’s just way too awkward for me to do the talking phase online and then meet. Get the good energy going in person first and then move to the snapchat thing.)

After the sports talk and school talk and summer talk the conversation should have lasted at least 10 minutes and should be going smoothly. Focus on

• Smiling/laughing… keep it light hearted

• Asking questions (not too many)

• Making efforts to get that slight touch it (leaning in to look at their phone, measuring heights or hand sizes, etc)

• NO SELF DEPRECATING JOKES OR TALK!!!!! You are in charge of creating your own first impression.

We got this (i know it’s scary AND hard!!!!!),

Sophia