This weekend, some of us celebrated Passover, others celebrated Easter… but mostly I was drowning in my Coachella FOMO. My for you page was feisty this weekend and felt the dire need to rub Coachella fits in my face for a straight 72 hours. I spent the weekend stuck at home with covid and preparing for the upcoming month of junior year hell. I was living for the revolve fest drama, the GirlBossTown Couchella outfit reviews, and Remi Bader giving us the realistic behind the scenes rundown. I realized I could revert back to my 2019 Coachella fomo ways and watch the youtube livestream of my favorite performers… What I really mean by that is planning my day accordingly to tune into Doja Cat’s performance.
Saturday night at about 12:30am, I’m about to fall asleep but the coachella fomo creeped up on me and I thought I would check out the live cam and see who was performing. Billie Eillish was harmonizing with her brother Finneas to the last words of ‘Your Power’, literally bringing me to tears in my bed at the top of the morning. She then transitions into what I later learned was a short film she produced for her tour. All I remember was the last sentence of a set of thought provoking lines, “is my value based only on your perception? or is your opinion of me not my responsibility”. Wow. Phone shut off. Eyes closed. Thinking about that line for 10 minutes. G-d, that would make a great blog post. I was out.
Billie really just made a lot of things make sense at the deep dark hours of Saturday night/Sunday morning. Other people's opinions of us are NOT our responsibility. Period. Like why would I waste my time and my life worrying about what other people think of me? Not my problem. Can we channel that like now? If I thought this way in middle school I would have been so much happier.
So that’s my little piece for this week. If you’re feeling a little fomo, not even Coachella related… same. If you’re dreading this last month of school… same. If you feel a little insecure these days… same. And that’s all I can really say. Im doing my best to indulge in the small things that make me happy like boba and beach walks to fuel me in the final stretch. BUT BILLIEEEEE, she should be the new Dear Monday Blog.
Here’s the words to her full short movie:
do you know me?
really know me?
you have opinions
about my opinions
about my music
about my clothes
about my body
some people hate what I wear
some people praise it
some people use it to shame others
some people use it to shame me
but I feel you watching
always
and nothing I do goes unseen
so while I feel your stares
your disapproval
or your sigh of relief
if I lived by them
I’d never be able to move
would you like me to be smaller?
weaker?
softer?
taller?
would you like me to be quiet?
do my shoulders provoke you?
does my chest?
am I my stomach?
my hips?
the body I was born with
is it not what you wanted?
if I wear what is comfortable
I am not a woman
if I shed the layers
I’m a slut
though you’ve never seen my body
you still judge it
and judge me for it
why?
we make assumptions about people
based on their size
we decide who they are
we decide what they’re worth
if I wear more
if I wear less
who decides what that makes me?
what that means?
is my value based only on your perception?
or is your opinion of me
not my responsibility
We got this,
Sophia