Q: "I’m going to middle school soon and I really want boys to find me attractive, so can you make a blog on how to make boys genuinely find you attractive?" - Anonymous
Some girl wrote in with this question a few months ago and I almost laughed out loud. At first I thought it was just so ridiculous and sad for a 5th or 6th grader to be so genuinely concerned about changing herself to be found ‘attractive’ and what the steps would be to achieve that. While on the surface, this question comes from a desperate place of outright insecurity, right after reading it the relevancy and truth sank in. The point of Dear Monday is not to shy away from these shockingly accurate questions but to address very relatable concerns straight on. Why was I mocking this question in my head when we honestly all feel this way.
Let’s begin with this: it’s uncomfortable to admit that we want to be perceived as ‘attractive’. I mean how often do you hear girls say “I’m wearing mascara because there will be boys there” or “I like these jeans because they make my butt look big” and “I want boys to think I’m hot”. More often people say “I like this shirt because it’s such a cute color or style” or “I’m wearing makeup because it makes me feel confident”. While the shirt might be a cute style and the makeup does make me feel more confident, there’s definitely this underlying (and perfectly normal) desire to feel admired and get attention. I wouldn’t want to generalize and say every middle/high schooler feels this way but for the most part it’s just an unspoken truth - humans (and more specifically teen girls) want to be found attractive. Ok, we’ve established the obvious… moving on.
Attractiveness is subjective. In my opinion, smoking is unattractive both for girls and guys. Some guys think it’s attractive when girls smoke. Just like how some girls hate when boys wear jewelry and paint their nails, some find that super attractive. Right?!... so it’s all subjective. There will be boys out there that find your heavy makeup attractive, while others will be turned off by that. You can’t really mold your look to please anyone because sometimes people don’t know what they like until you show them… I know it's cliche but it’s the truth.
You all know how I’m a junior in high school and when I was in middle school, skinny topshop jeans with rips and brandy tanks were my extent of scandy. Now I am OBSESSED with Zara and thrifting. I swear I see 6th graders wear literal bras as shirts. Plus LOTS of eyeliner. That’s definitely a look and no shame because you can be and wear whatever you want. In my non professional yet overanalyzing opinion, I would say that guys would see this look and say she’s ‘bad’ or ‘hot’ but never ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful’. So I guess then you have to decide what type of attention you want.
Steps to be attractive
Sike. There are none. Middle school is for braces and acne and learning to shave and getting social media for the first time. If you want to be found ‘hot’, there’s no code to crack. It’s the revealing clothes and scandy bikini pics. The shallow guys will give you two seconds of attention because they’ll think you’re easy. That’s the answer.
Read this post (one of my favorites) on 5 Things I Wish I Knew Before Middle School
Don’t send nudes
Be super outgoing and friendly with the guys. Even if they aren't chasing you now in middle school, this is a good thing. Befriend them and keep them around. You’ll obviously all glow up and then in high school you’ll at least have guy friends!!!! Study with a few, get food after school with them, or see if your girl group would want to sit with a guy group at lunch. If I had gone to a co-ed middle or high school, I would have done that. It’s never too late to branch out a little.
Not everyone is going to find you hot or be into you. It sucks. There’s no shirt or highlights or makeup that will drastically change that. You look how you look and your personality is your personality. Someone WILL be into that. Don’t change for other people. Promise me!!!!!!
I’ll leave you with a goal I made for myself going into junior year: Being hot is being super comfortable in your own skin, confident in your energy, and outgoing with new people.
You got this,