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Ask Sophia: I don't get invited to parties

Q: “I don’t get invited to parties. I’m not popular but like everyone knows my name.” -Anonymous

A: Ok wait I don’t think I've ever identified with a question more than this. It’s like the well-liked but not first on the guest list kind of thing. I’m a senior in high school (I will qualify, an all-girls school) but feel like getting invited to go out is exhausting, embarrassing, and aggravating.

I’m going to keep this post short and sweet because there are only really 2 things you need to know and act on:

  1. Networking

Especially due to the fact that I go to a small school with a very limited social scene, it requires investing in strong out of school friendships (and also great networking skills) to get your foot in the door. Let me explain what I mean. Going out with your friends from dance, soccer, or from the places where you volunteer or work, doesn’t mean you’re using them, it just means you all have a shared desire to have fun and want to experience that together. Maybe you’ll connect with someone from your old school, a family friend, or a mutual. In those moments, you push yourself to step out of your comfort zone and tell these out of school friends that you want to stay in touch and get lunch soon. Make an effort to revive and forge genuine relationships with the outer circle of friends from your past. The truth is that no distant mutual friend is going to go out of their way to invite you to go to a party. That just doesn’t happen. Butttt the more friendships you develop from different parts of your life, the more likely it will be that you’ll end up with something to do on Saturday night. I know this sounds sort of sneaky and artificial but that’s not it. I’ll give some examples. Last week I was at temple and caught up with an old preschool friend. I mentioned to her that I wanted to go out more now in my senior year and asked if she knew of anything from her school that was happening. That worked out. Another example: just yesterday my friend and I went to the gym. We ran into another neighborhood friend and started catching up. We asked her what she was doing for Halloween and she told us we should go out with her. So essentially if you feel like you’re not automatically getting an insane social life delivered to you without any effort or stress on your part, then begin networking.

2. Everyone Knows Your Name

You said it yourself, everyone knows your name. I’m sure people at school would love to have you at their parties but they’ve put you in a box… a box that is labeled ‘nerd’, ‘athletic’, ‘theater’, etc. Most likely, they just aren’t aware that you would even be interested in attending one of these gatherings. Make it clear you want to be there. One thing I’ve learned in high school is that there’s never a harm in asking. This can be applied to job opportunities, internships, and more. You know a friend at school that’s hosting? They know you? Perfect. Send a sweet text: “a few of my friends are going to your party and I wanted to see if I could maybe come with them. I totally understand if not but I just thought I’d ask (and a few emojis)”. Great. You have a friend in your math class that goes out a lot… tell her you want to come!!!!!! You’re in charge of the image and reputation you create for yourself. I have no doubt that the second you go to one of these things, the rest will come easy. I understand the fear of rejection: you won’t get accepted on a Facebook or Instagram party account or someone will exclude you from a getting-ready plan. There was one weekend in junior year when I was uninvited from 3 parties. It happens and it hurts but you bounce back so quickly. Out of the 100 parties you don't get to go to, you’ll go to 5 and they’ll be amazing. Trust.

Guys! I know how hard it can be. SO SO SO stressful and just annoying for WHAT?! We have each other. Know you’re not alone.



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This post encourages users to be outgoing and achieve what they want in a social life. I LOVE IT! We all need to reach out more, especially if we don't feel included!

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