Ask Sophia: "I don't like him THAT much"

Updated: Jan 20

"I’m talking to this guy and it’s really obvious that he’s super into me. I like him, but I don’t know if I like him THAT much. Is it mean if I keep moving forward with him? I’m worried that we would get into a relationship and I realize that I don’t actually like him that much, and that would hurt us both. What do I do?!?" - Anonymous


Hello love! It is rare that I get the opportunity to reject someone, but something similiarish happened to me recently. Because I go to an all girls school, I feel like having any type of guy friend is a good thing. Also lets be real here, it’s flattering to know someone likes you and it is extremely tempting to lead them on. But, there's a point of escalation and consistency where you can't just be ‘friends’ with someone. Now the question was a bit inconspicuous about how well you guys know each other so I’ll take it two routes.


Answer 1: Online relationship - For the guy who might be a snap h**, goes to a different school, or won’t be hard to avoid for the rest of your life.

It seems like you have blatantly stated you find each other attractive, then there's inside jokes, trust, loyalty, and some sort of defining relationship that follows. While this might seem ‘mean’ I would honestly just ease off a bit and he’ll get the memo… wall pics, left on delivered, and avoid conversation. But maybe you're still not sure if you like him and the attention is really nice. Because you two have only really had the opportunity to talk with each other online (btw that’s not really knowing someone for who they are in person) then hang on a little bit longer and try to have live conversations via Facetime or in person.


Answer 2: This is for the guy who goes to your school, you have mutuals with, or you might actually still want to stay friends with in the future.

If you feel like you have a strong sense of who he is, and after giving him a fair shake, you can confidently say ‘I’m just not THAT into you’ then you have to be straight up with him. Get to the point and say “I just want to be honest with you, I’ve really liked getting to know you but….. I’m not looking for a relationship right now, I need to focus on myself right now, my parents are strict with Covid, I’m not the girl for you, you’re like a brother to me and I wouldn’t want to ruin that, I don’t feel a romantic spark, I don’t want to mislead you, I don’t feel the chemistry”. As much as you might hope the relationship will persist through this rejection, it probably won’t and things between you two will be awkward for a while. At the end of the day, you can’t control your feelings and it's better to pull out of whatever you guys have going on sooner rather than later so you both don’t get hurt.

I hope this was helpful!


You got this,

Sophia


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