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Ask Sophia: We kissed but he hasn't texted

Hey people. GUYS I MISSED YOU SOOOOO MUCH. And we’re back. I seriously hope you all still remember me. I am so sorry for being so M.I.A. the past 5 weeks. I was on a crazy long trip and have so much to spill... most of it will trickle into upcoming posts. Also I’ve been getting mad dms about a blog post for tips for freshman starting high school this year so that will be coming soon. Also also, read until the end for a crazy, major, totally awesome surprise.

Alright someone wrote in this question: "So a few nights ago i was at pool party and i made out with this guy and i'm literally obsessing over him and he hasn’t even send me a dm. It’s not that he didn’t like me cause he told all of his friends how good i was and he made all the first moves." -Anonymous

Holy smokes. The how long do I wait for him to text dilemma... it just never gets old. I love seeing what bigger influencers like Tinx say about this kind of thing because I assume when she talks about the post first date text she is referring to much more 'mature', older guys in their late 30s.... whereas with us, we're talking 15 year old idiot boys. I just loved this question. It’s so juicy and just relatable. Please please don’t be afraid to write in with questions like these… that’s what I want Dear Monday Blog to be - a space to ask the unaskable and get everything minor or larger off your chest.

MAJOR Confession: For the first year or so of writing blog posts I had not had my first kiss. I WAS A LITTLE FIBBER. I wrote advice to you guys and actually pulled it out of my bum because I had no idea what I was talking about. No wonder I wrote an 8 part series on snapchatting. Anyway, now we are here with quite a repertoire of the ‘forgot to text’ types under my belt.

First off, it seems you are aware of this but let me just make it clear that this has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. Let me just validate you for a second. You had the confidence to even talk or interact with this guy at a pool party (public setting) and then actually KILLED IT. You gave him sooooo much more than he could ever give you because teenage boys are just desperate horndogs that somehow manage to have the whole i'm so superior and uninterested thing going on.

A very similar situation happened with me a couple months ago. Even though I told myself that he wasn’t going to text me after and that the whole thing meant nothing (which it kind of did), OF COURSE I was waiting for the text. I mean who wouldn’t?! This may not pertain to your specific situation but I’ll just say that after a while, these sort of experiences just make you feel sort of dirty and gross afterwards. Sure kissing is kissing but like it’s also vulnerable and special too. These days it feels like chivalry is dead. Our society has literally taught us to accept that we shouldn’t expect to be treated with a high level of respect or courtesy from boys. Pretty any slightly sexual interaction has been deemed casual but it’s soooo confusing because I think all the girls know deep down that it’s not. I want to elaborate more on this in a later post but I think I’m really at place now were being emotionally fulfilled is just as important as being physically fulfilled. That may sound confusing so I’ll explain later but essentially I just want to feel connected to and seen and appreciated by the people I kiss.

Ok sorry for the rant, back to the question. First off, don’t ever doubt that you were ‘bad’, weird, ugly, not good enough, the problem, fill in the blank. So not true. The tricky part here is not whether he likes you or doesn’t like or has a big crush or a small crush… what matters is what he does about his feelings. It’s truly not about what his friends said or if you were good or if he made all the first moves. I have no doubt in my mind that he’s thinking about you or will reach out again in some way. Sure you could also take it for what it was - a little summer hookup, fun, enjoyable, and a good memory. Dear Monday girls don’t really operate like that though… we are crazy overthinkers that don’t like to be walked all over. His actions now are speaking so much louder than before he got what he wanted because the after math more indicative of the type of guy he is and what he ACTUALLY WANTS. You will see a handful of these generic guys who don't have a single ounce of decency to text you. But let's change the narrative. It’s really just sad for them. They missed out on something great and when they do come back, you get to decide what you want to do about it. You think you had a nice night with a cute guy, go crazy about it in your head waiting for him to be a gentleman, he never proves to be anything close to that, and repeat. I first wrote, ‘you’re going to have to get used to that’ BUT NO. You aren’t. Just because it hurts, it’s frustrating, and you’re essentially being used doesn’t mean it’s something you should ‘get used to’. Everyone knows that some ice cream, friend time, a hot girl walk can cure anything but you don't even need that stuff because we don't let little f boys make us cry.

MOST IMPORTANTLY - You are the only one who can be in control of the standards you set for yourself. Every little decision and choice you make contributes to the way people see you, the way in which you see yourself, and the reputation you want to build. In short, don’t go back to these boys. Don’t be the ‘easy’ girl. You are NOT easy. Maybe next time in a situation like this you can create some suspense and leave them with some mystery. Try to get to know these guys on a deeper level (again if that’s what you’re looking for). It’s so easy to just give in for the little pleasure of the moment but I hope you’ll join me in making a goal to value connection over attraction. It will be an interesting task but let’s do it together!

Please please please don’t sit in your room and wonder for hours about this guy. These are the times that you’ll look back on and wish you would have spent doing something really fun or interesting instead of pouting. Boy stuff is complicated and I have yet to crack the code. Nevertheless, if there's one thing to leave with: don't make it about you. You are a STAR and a ray of sunshine. No one can take that away from you.

We got this,

P.S. Awesome suprise is that I am interviewing Eli Rallo (@thejarr) for the blog!!!!! I'm actually so hyped. Please please send juicy questions you want me to ask her about her middle and high school years.

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