Ok so this post is both a warning and contains an oath that you must take as a member of the Dear Monday fam.
Everyone knows about the forbidding ‘if you want’. I’ve always known about ‘if you want’, like ‘you can come if you want’. Naively, I thought that no one would EVER say that to me but hypothetically I know that people who say that actually don’t want you to come and so I never thought much of it… until a few weekends ago when I saw those ugly 3 words attached nonchalantly to the end of a text. OH HELL NO.
*** I want to preface this by saying that I get it if people say 'if you want' because they are indecisive and insecure. If a close friend of yours says this to you or a guy you've been talking to then tell them to knock it off. In the case I'm sharing I just was like automatically no.
Context: Like any normal girl who’s hours deep in AP Environmental Science studying on a Saturday night would do, I decide that I need a break. What does that break consistent of you may ask... Well, the equation looked something like this: lonely girl + some god old snapchat h**s = recipe for disaster.
Let’s just say everything was going well until this kid makes the silly (but impactful) mistake of weaving in his sneaky little ‘if you want’. IF I WANT?! BABES I TEXTED YOU. WDYM IF I WANT. Well I did before but now I most definitely do not. I knew exactly what was happening - he was trying to be chill, cool, smooth, not too desperate. But my g-d the ick crept right up my spine and made me almost vomit in my own mouth. I could read right through it, he thought I wouldn’t notice, thought I wouldn’t care. LOL. Absolutely not.
Same thing happened with my friend:
So she’s talking to a guy. He asks her what she’s doing on a saturday night. This is so LA btw - he goes “you should come to this party if you want… and if you can get in”. WTF?! Is this kid ok? The ‘if you want’… the ‘if you can get in’. These boys have lost their minds. Unacceptable.
There was no way. It made me feel so mad and gross because I knew that someone who genuinely wanted to be with me would never dare say ‘if you want’. They would say ‘I want you there’. That is that standard.
Now for the oath: No matter if it’s a friend or a guy or literally anyone, I solemnly swear that I will distance myself and not succum to anyone who hits me with the ‘if you want’.
Long story short, don’t let subpar options and people who make you feel sucky and unwanted get the best of you. I could’ve went for it that night, do some Dear Monday research, little uncover spy moment trying to get some interesting content for the blog BUT NO… knew better. And I’m glad I didn’t put myself in that situation. I’m not going to say that I fully will never go to something if it comes with the ‘if you want’... but this is a just a warning for all you middle school queens. Beware.
WE got this,