Updated: Aug 31
Q: I’ve been talking to this guy over snap for a while and I want to hang out but feel like the advice I was given was to never chase boys and let them do the work. Am i just another girl he has on snap that he doesn’t really want to make plans with… am i overthinking everything and it’s just not happening. Does he really like talking to me and is just shy to make plans or would he really try to make it happen if he wanted to?
Hey fellow over thinker. Those same thoughts have crossed my mind 100000000 times. I FEEL THIS!!!! Ok here are a few things:
We’ve been told our whole lives that guys make the first move… but like where are the guys making the first move? Not in my life. Nope, I haven't seen it. Whether chivalry is dead for our generation or not, someone’s gotta initiate. If this makes you feel better, what I’ve noticed in the experience of my friends and myself is that the guy has only made a real effort to hang out if he’s bold and it’s a casual hookup. I know very few boys who are trying to date and commit to a girl he’s only ever met/talked to online. On that note, you have to figure out your motives for hanging out. Do you want to just hookup with him? Do you fantasize about dating? That's gonna matter down below when you choose what you want to do together.
With that said, you have options. You either wait (for a VERY long time) and hope he asks to do something. I did that for almost a year and it was hell. But, it’s easier than confessing that you actually might be crushing. It’s this thing that I feel like a lot of girls use as our shield because we know that he’s probably talking to other girls (sis he definitely is) and he hasn’t initiated plans yet (because he doesn’t really have to) so if we give him the validation that we like him… well, we just don’t because we’re playing ‘hard to get’. Of course we may secretly like him but he doesn’t get to know that. In short, it’s stupid and a waist of time to secretly like someone but pretend to not give a care in the world until they may or may not have the balls to ask you to meet up.
***Also backtracking to the overall theme of ‘does he really like talking to me’ or ‘am i even special to him’ thing… the answer is yes and no. Yes, he would only be snapping with you and semi-opening up to you if he thinks you're hot. (So of course being left on delivered for houses, no words just photos, or dry conversations aren’t always the best signs). But also no because does he have other girls he thinks this way about as well? 99% sure of it. And also I feel like a guy who only has ever talked to you online can’t really ever see you as special. He doesn’t put you on a pedestal like you do for him.
So what you can do is A. Wait. B. Hit him with the hint (‘we should hang soon’ or something leading like ‘I kinda want to see the quiet place but not alone’) and then wait. It’s kind of like passing him the ball and then seeing if he’ll take the lay up… really tho, let him go if it doesn’t work. C. Be super direct and say ‘me and my friend are seeing x movie tonight at 7 and we have two extra tickets, do you want to come’.
Things you can suggest to do together
- get food - not a full meal (smoothies, starbucks, ice cream)
- see a movie
- ice skating
- bike ride
I know you don’t want to just be friends with this dude but also you have to keep that relaxed, friendly mindset when you make the plans. If you’re chill about it and ask to hang like it’s not a big deal, he’ll feel comfortable. The worst thing that happens is he says no. But only a very very confused and stupid boy would actually say no. Worst thing that happens is he says sorry I can’t but maybe another time. Like bruh ya right like you’re gonna reach out. That response isn’t even that bad and that’s the worst. There were times I needed that friend to give me the push and say, ‘just do it already!!!!!!’. I’m being that friend and I’m giving you the push. Also read the snapchat series (it's 8 parts under 'boys' category). Dm on Instagram (dearmondayblog) and lmk what happens.
We got this,