Part 8: Mixed Signals and Boys Who Are Dry
Q: “He left me on open and is sometimes really sweet and asks me questions but other times gets all dry and seems like he doesn’t want to talk to me. What do I do?” - Anonymous
This first part I am restating from Post 7 of the Snap Series because it all remains true.
A: There are 2 answers here..
1 - What you want to hear. You can always wait it out and give him time to open up to you, maybe he’s just nervous or super busy. Try asking him open-ended questions or engage in a topic you know he’s interested in (could end up in a week long conversation about a sport you know nothing about... I would know). However, it gets to a point where this dude is just too dry to even work with. There has been TOO MANY BOYS who have waisted TOO MUCH OF MY TIME with short, dry answers. Be real with yourself and contemplate if its even worth it to keep getting his attention... for what?! to be another one of his snap h**s?! Nahhhh.
2 - The truth. Here's the truth: if you haven't defined your relationship, you're not the only girl on his phone. What I realized a few months ago that should have clicked much earlier is that when a guy moves on from you and kind of leaves you hanging, it means he’s into another girl. He’s found someone else he likes better and is no longer interested. He’ll never straight up tell you that but slowly start to ease away. It is usually not intentional... more like you won’t be at the top of his mind anymore. I’ve found that one day these types of boys will come crawling back. That’s when you have to assert yourself and refrain from giving into the temptation that he’s ‘different’ or now somehow automatically ‘cares about you’. Boys don’t get to crawl back when it’s convenient for them and reclaim you! Don’t. Let. It. Happen.
*Big Sis Realization*
Guys are confusing. They want you one day and next day... and poof! They're gone! It's not fair and it hurts :( I know your pain. You HAVE to stop hoping he'll be your prince charming and high school sweet heart. It's not going to happen.
HOWEVER: This doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive or won’t get with you in the future. We all can agree that we know plenty of boys we don’t talk to as much or aren’t 100% interested in but we still would hookup with them. Boys think this way too because they’re horny. Maybe there's a chance for you in the future? But for most of us, being a random hookup isn’t the goal so don’t just be another name on his list.
Question… have you hung out?
Let me spare you some time with this kid who’s messing you around. If you’ve talked to him for a week or longer and he hasn’t mentioned hanging out - it’s a no go. Can I just tell you how much time I wasted on this stupid boy who had no intention of solidifying a relationship with me. I would never want that to happen to any of you because it wrecked my mental state. I wish someone would have told me to either shoot your shot and ask him to do something casual to gauge if he’d even be interested OR just stop before you get too deep waiting for something that will never happen.
Maybe you have hung out… what was it like? Even if you had a great time, if he’s acting all dry now - well he obviously didn’t. If he made the move last time and now he’s showing mixed signals, it's your turn to initiate the next plans.
Back to the excuses.
The amount of times I’ve told myself, ‘he takes 22 hours to respond… but he’s just busy.’ ‘He leaves you open… he still likes me’. Maybe at some point he did like you or only ever saw you as a friend. Ladies, it's about time we take this as a strong hint that he’s not the one for you. We’re on our phones ALL THE TIME!!! If he saw you snapped him and was waiting for you to respond, he would asap! 1 HUGE TIP!!!! He’s not leaving you on delivered for 3 hours because you did that to him first and he’s trying to play games with you. Boys don’t think like that. He genuinely isn’t paying attention and just doesn’t care. I used to calculate how long it took him to respond and then add an extra hour so I came off as hard to get and not too clingy. You know where all that overthinking got me - NOWHERE!!!! Don’t play games with YOURSELF!
At the end of the day, there’s nothing anybody could say to distract you from your anger, confusion, and insecurity. You convince yourself that because he asked you a question or said something sweet once, he wants you. But he doesn’t and ugh it's so hard to let go. Of course I’m going to tell you to hype yourself up and find someone who actually cares about you. You shouldn't have to force a guy to be interested in you. Period. Even though I can’t follow my own advice, a guy who wanted to talk to you would and if he liked you, you would know it. Well sucks for him, if he doesn’t want you, he doesn’t get you! You are going to find a new crush soon enough and laugh at yourself for even giving this guy two seconds of your attention. There’s other guys out there… move on!
Just a little recap of all the topics from all the other parts to the Snapchat Series: 1. Initial important reminders + intro to the series. 2. Snap score run down. 3. Sliding in. 4. Ways to reveal personality and flirt nonchalantly. 5. Likes You vs Using you. 6. Overthinking. 7. Left on open, FOMO, responding to nudes, etc!!!!!
NIGHT DEAR MONDAY FAM!!! Love you all mwah.
We got this,