Since we have both started driving, me and my best friend (we go to different schools) call each other both on the way to and home from school each day. It’s honestly one of the best parts of my day… I just love decompressing and giving a full download to get her fresh perspective on my terribly boring, sometimes exciting, often busy, most definitetly hard day. Even though we go to different schools, we share a very similar perspective on how we view the social landscapes at school. Today we were talking about the “it” friend groups at our respective schools and how we just don’t vibe with them… but feel like we should.
Every school, no matter if it’s small and artsy or huge and filled with a billion types of people, always has that group. They have some appeal: the looks, the seemingly fun energy, the confidence… whatever it may be, every high school is going to have its own version of cool. At least you think so...until you look deeper and realize that maybe they’re not it at all. The message I’m trying to get across in this post is a declaration that I’m fed up with this reality.
I’m tired of feeling like I should suck up or aspire to fit in with that one group because everyone else seems to like them. But even more, I’m confused why everyone else likes this group and I just don’t. It’s so strange. I thought maybe if I write about it, it would make sense. I like to think I don’t rock with these people because I’m too insightful and smart, even though I’m not. Maybe I actually am smarter and more insightful than the rest of them to the extent that I see beyond their facade of exaggerated ‘fun’ and obsessive social media posting. Or maybe I’m the insecure one. I’m insecure that a handful of people can post weird tiktoks or memes or say not funny things and beg for everyone's attention and be 2021’s definition of ‘quirky’ because they’re hot. Seriously, imagine if someone who (respectfully) was butt ugly burped in front of a group or made some cringey tiktok… they would literally be the laughing stock compared to this pretty, skinny model looking beauty who now is deemed ‘funny’ or ‘has a personality’ and could probably get away with anything.
At my friend’s school, their verison of this group likes thrifting, doc martin loafers, bath tub photoshoots, and lots of weed. At my school, this group likes funky camera angles and self depricating jokes (i mean who doesn’t)… they are bold and opinionated, they gatekeep boys and invites, but they are nice enough.
Me and my best friend talk about how sometimes we wish we were in these groups and sometimes how we could and should fit in…. But we just don’t.
Here’s a story that frames what I’m saying in a more understandable way. Ok so there’s a field trip that I’m on and I’m not close with a ton of the people going except for this sweet little sub friend group in my grade. Frankly, they are seen as more ‘popular’ because they post a lot, are pretty loud, get attention from guys, get invited to a lot of parties. I always think to myself ‘SOPH what the f! Be friends with these cool, fun, awesome people. You’re cool and fun and awesome so it’s just bound to work.’ But it doesn’t. I choke up. I say the wrong thing. I don’t know how to be myself and in the process make a fool of myself. It’s very unlike me. So then I wonder if it is them… or is it me. Up until that field trip, I thought for certain that it was me. I decided that there was something about my personality or vibe or lack of ‘coolness’ that was uninteresting to this group. BUT ON THIS FIELD TRIP, one of the girls made this joke under her breath. It’s crazy that it affected me so much… not in the sense that I was really sad or upset upon hearing her sarcastic comment about me TO my face because it wasn’t THAT mean or cruel (I still like the girl and know she didn’t mean any harm) but it stuck with me because then, at that moment, it just clicked what was bothering me.
I like kind people who like themselves. It has nothing to do with popularity. I just like sweet people who are genuinely nice and who genuinely care about others. I find that I could never be part of friend group filled with people who don’t really see their actions and words as powerful and who don’t lift others. The comment was not that big of a deal at all, I’m honestly glad she said that so now I understand that icky feeling that had been building up for a while.
I guess I’ll get to the point… Remember the impact you have on people. Don’t feel like you have to LOVE a group or suck up to anyone. When you find yourself even slightly thinking: “these people don’t make me feel good”, then you just have to be honest with yourself and be okay with not liking the people that everyone else does. And that’s big coming from me. This is our pact, dear monday fam. We are confident in not ‘trying to try’ anymore. Over it. Done. Bye.
We got this,