Q: What do you do when you feel left out at school? No one is being mean you just feel awkward. I am usually a very outgoing person. HELP thanks
A: Hey twin… you and I are living the same life. I love how I have put myself in a position to give other people advice when I barely know how to deal with this myself. Finding the right friend(s) at school is a struggle that I can guarantee every teen goes through… it’s a part of growing up.
Going back to school has been an interesting experience. The social dynamics are complicated. I definitely can relate to feeling out of place like you do and it’s bizarre because I’m also very outgoing and very talkative. At school, it’s like I switch off. It’s hard when we can’t show our best selves to a group of people because I know how much they would love my personality if they knew I wasn’t mute 24/7… I guess it’s just an indicator these girls just might not be your people. My small talk skills have been put to THE TEST. It just get’s boring after a while when you can’t get deep with a group and you have to pretend to be interested in whatever they’re talking about.
This is such a strange concept I’m about to share but i hope you guys can relate… when you overthink so much that it’s almost an out of body experience. What I mean by this is when you’re in a group and you can almost picture how other people are viewing you at that moment from the outside. If I’m quiet in a group or say something that was supposed to be funny but it just wasn’t, I kind of step out of my body and judge myself based on how I think other people are perceiving me… anyways the moral of the story is that I know that’s not who I am and I don’t know how to ‘activate’ my real self in front of the girls at school. It’s very frustrating and isolating.
Also read post is about making friends at a new school in corona times!
You probably have that one friend, a friend group from elementary school, or a special person in your life who once upon a time taught you who you are… gave you the comfort and space to be 100% yourself. At school it's difficult because it seems like everyone else has their best friends at school… just not you. Their friend groups revolve around the people at school. Because these friend groups are so tight, they talk about their weekend plans, inside jokes, matching halloween costumes and trips they want to take together. It’s not like they’re leaving us out or ‘being mean’ but it’s just awkward for us. We feel out of place and there’s really nothing we can do because we don’t even necessarily want to continue to try and fit in.
Here’s my response and this is how I am getting through school!
You have other friends (or will make other friends) that you relate to more… phewwwwww. It’s rare that you find your best friends in high school and it’s better that way (#notpeekinginhighschoolgang). These are people who will know you for who you are and they LOVE YOU. Not fitting in with one group just makes you realize how much you appreciate the friendships that feel right.
School can be a means to education. It’s school and you learn things, then you leave and have a bomb time in college. Let’s be real, high school friends don’t stay friends forever. It’s 4 years and you’ll only see like 1 of these people again.
The good thing about our position is that we can be floaters. No drama. We get to stay neutral and dip our toes in a bunch of different social settings… It's like a tapas bar lmao.
While I wish you and I both had some amazing groups at school, I feel like we have it the best. We’re not confined to a toxic group and instead, we get to put more effort into the lifelong friendships out of school. It’s almost a win win. Stay positive!
WE GOT THIS,