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Being Cool's A Mindset

Do you ever scroll on tiktok and come across some girl that you think is just cool. Straight up swag. It’s the effortlessness of the way she carries herself, her humor, her style, her ability to make something that’s sort of cringy not that cringy. Anyways so I’m having a conversation about this with my friend yesterday. I’m telling her about how I think girls who grow up in NYC are just ‘cool’... they are chill, trendsetters, and simply put: cool. Immediately my friend counters with a line that I’m dying over: 'being cool is a mindset'.

Essentially my friend (btw someone that I really look up to and think is SO cool because of her outrageous confidence) explained to me that it’s all about the mentality. You can change yourself and reinvent who you are whenever you want. If you walk into a room and you tell yourself, ingrain it into your mind, that you own the place… then you do. You want to be the coolest person there, my friend prodded, then act like it. Be confident. I asked, ‘So what's being confident because I know you’re going to say just be yourself! Duh! But… what if I don’t like who I am?’. I said this to her because sometimes I feel like I’m too loud or I say what I’m thinking too much and cool people are more laid back and don’t blab as much as I do… To this she asked me, 'do you like shy people that don't say what they are thinking? Do you like boring people who bring no flavor to a conversation?' To these questions I obviously said no. She elaborated that if you don’t act like what you said is weird then no one will either. That’s easier said than done but I get the point. Maybe I can think before I speak more but for the most part being confident is stepping out of my comfort zone unapologetically, faking it till I make it, acting with a sense of superiority and self obsession without being obnoxious (it’s a very nuanced skill). You attract who you are... You want to be friends with fun, silly, interesting, quirky, imperfect people??? Then be that person. And she made sure to mention that if you really don’t like who you are then you should go to therapy. Respectfully.

The Outfit, The Vibe

Look Good Feel Good

Ok yea ‘fake it till you make it’ blah blah blah… but let’s talk more realistically for a second. When I start dissecting what makes a cool girl 'cool' I immediately go to appearance. I know it’s superficial but it’s the truth. I love to define a cool girl by a cool girl outfit. I have an addiction to pinterest and love keeping myself updated with what’s trendy (not only just with influencers and high end fashion models) but like what teenage girls in LA are into. I love many vibes. I was recently in a beach town near LA with this same friend and we ate acai bowls for breakfast. A bunch of teenage girls were working the morning shift and had that beach look going… I immediately noted in my head how cool I thought they were by the look. But then on the complete opposite side of the spectrum I think the NYC thrifty dickies sunglasses at night look is so cool. Another good friend always says ‘look good, feel good’. I agree. So Step 1: dress the part. I’ve been seeing a lot of big graphic tees with the neckline cut out and stretched to sit as a one shoulder top. This baggy sort of scandy top is paired with long dad cut off jean shorts and some sort of platform shoe and weird wrap around CVS sun glasses with chunky gold hoops and a mini baguette. Why is this cool? Beyond me. I think because Emma Chamberlain said it was. Yesterday, I made it my mission to replicate this look so I hit up the lovely, rarely dependable goodwill. It was a slay. I got the perfect shirt to cut up for a couple dollars styled the fit today. SHIIIIIII guys it SOOOO GOOD. I felt sooooo cool. The fun part was that it only took me a little DIY project to dress in the ‘cool’ girl aesthetic and embody what I think that means. Maybe I'm not the full on pure vida bracelets to my elbow, super short jean shorts girl or the dad shorts, silver jewelry, loafers girl either. I know that if I mess around with a bunch of inspirations I'll find something that works for me right in the middle.

It’s A Lifestyle

What is a cool girl lifestyle I asked myself? Well a cool girl means something different to different people. Maybe she’s that city girl, or some spiritual nature girl, or the beach bum, or very influencery and she loves some matcha and amazon finds. Ok let's flippin do ittttt. You could be from NYC or Kansas. Who cares? The cool girl lifestyle is a power walk. The cool girl lifestyle is starbucks level coffee in a mason jar. The cool girl is sliving for a salvation army thrift day with her besties… and then some Tame Impala or Lana Del Ray as the soundtrack to her life. Remi Wolf’s new album is making me feel like a cool girl: Sexy Villain or Guerrilla. It’s GIVING. Being the font of cool that entices (maybe even intimidates) you is achievable through small tangible fun activities or daily practices you can implement into your life.

Last words on being cool. The whole thing about being cool and popular is that sometimes silly sophomore girls define a standard of ‘coolness’ that really isn't it. You can aspire to be whatever kind of ‘cool’ you want and absolutely demolish it. I was the urban cool girl for a day in my thrift flip outfit and it was a blast but I don’t want to be that Sophia everyday. Also sometimes that ‘cool’ girl you look up to makes really stupid decisions, isn’t a good friend, doesn’t have a strong relationship with her family, isn’t kind to the people around her. There’s a huge difference between how we perceive people vs. who they really are as a person and how they treat others. Please don’t sacrifice your own goodness and the gratitude for the life you do have. While changing your style or daily routine a bit is a great way to elevate your current lifestyle with a fun twist, the happiest people in the world are the ones who appreciate what they do have… ok enough all knowing advice talk.




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softbolt wares
09 oct 2023

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