Feeling Lonely, Feeling Lame
Ayooo party people. Majority of you are new to the Dear Monday Blog fam!!! I am so grateful for the new readers and SO excited to embark on this journey with you all. Let’s get deep, have some fun, and stay real. Thank you for being here. You are appreciated. You are a part. You matter to me. This is a pact and a girl gang whether you’re from Australia or Alabama. We’re gonna get through high school together.
This post is exactly what it sounds like… you’re probably feeling a little lonely? So am I. And it’s more than that, I’m tired of calling this feeling ‘lonely’ and accepting it, hoping one day it will pass. I’m a frustrated and restless, but mostly eager teen girl. I’ll explain…
It's a Saturday night and I’m back home by 10ish… For the 3rd week in the 9th month in a row. Trust me, my saturday night was perfect in every way. I watched a rom-com 80s movie with my good friend and we ordered in slices of decadent cheese cake. Low key, chill, and a lovely night, but simple. Then, I’ll come home and watch some show (probably gossip girl or glee) with teenagers doing the things I wish so badly I was doing… taking the risks and making the memories I wish I was so badly making. My life just feels very anticlimactic at the moment. Anyone else feel like you’re just moving through the motions of life… waiting for it to start already? I thought when one finally turned 16, high schoolers would be lost in a series of picture perfect moments. This would-be vibrant stage of life, the climax of childhood where we begin to enjoy maturity and freedom… (due to the circumstances of a global pandemic) is met with a cruel, ‘NOT TODAY SIS’. I want to stick my head out of car roofs and let the wind carry me through the night, let boys fight over who will kiss me under the starlight, and feel the blissful throb of loud early 2000s music drown out all the other noise of my troubles. I don’t want to be complaining… but apparently I’m complaining.
So is it loneliness I am feeling? Yes and no. I mean I have great friends, some I’ve drifted apart from, but a few that I'm now a lot closer to (I’m assuming the same with you). The real truth is that I’ve never spent this much time with just myself (or my parents). I’m in this weird internal conflict because I think that when given the opportunity to reconnect with friends will be fun and a good chance to get out, I oddly get scared that my time with friends will be awkward and wasteful. I NEVER used to think hangouts with friends was a burden or a chore. You know when you scroll through social media and catch a group all together, making everything seem 10x more fun than you know it actually is in reality… so at that moment when the fomo feels like a slap in the face, ya I feel lonely. While I say that I so badly want to see people (which I authentically mean), I’m also really numb to the fact that I now go the whole week without having a live interaction with anyone my age. The second I actually consider seeing someone, I begin to convince myself that I’d rather just chill at home. A very strange contemplation for my extraverted self.
Anyway, what’s most difficult is that I continue to fantasize about this prime time in my life. I want it to be so much more than it is right now. I just can’t help but feel… lame. This next part is a stab at some sort of ‘advice’ I can offer, but it's really just a mush of thoughts that might make you feel less alone in your own feelings regarding this topic.
To address the lameness, the boredom, and the just wanting to live already-ness, I’ll share one motto to start living by. Quarantine offers a hidden blessing - focus on yourself. Period. I’ll tell you what I mean with a few examples… First, skin- I wanted clearer, flawless skin before corona and so stuck at home, I made it my mission to level up my cleanliness and reduce my temptation to pick my acne. Face masks, acne patch stickers, lots of scrubbing, exfoliating, and washing. Second, hair- earlier this summer I played around with my hair and did a lob (long bob) with curtain bangs. Last, I’ll play around with eye makeup and style random outfits from my pinterest inspo. I’m really aiming to find myself in the comfort of privacy from the judgemental world around us. Focus on creating a confident version of yourself that you know that you can achieve. Even more than your appearance, maybe you want to focus on your mental health or try new recipes, or go on long walks, or sleep in late on Sundays. Corona = you time. Prioritize yourself and when the world is healthy, safe, and ready… then you’ll be ready to conquer it.
A few hobbies and interests I’ve been filling my time with…
Super weird but I love doing elaborate and unconventional makeup a split second before I hop in the shower. I’ve dedicated my time to specifically learning how to perfect eyeliner. This is no easy task but during quarantine I finally got the hang of it and love how I look and feel with eyeliner so yay! Once you do it enough, you’ll get the hang of it… I promise!
I’m just… outdoorsy
Surfing: I learned how to surf!!!! If you live on the coast I HIGHLY recommend taking up surfing. The thrill of catching a wave, the serenity of submerging my head in the cold water, and the beauty of alone time in nature is amazing. I definitely gravitate towards the water and scenic places in general. Explore the terrain of your city, no matter where you live there is some sort of nature to appreciate.
Golfing: I know you are all thinking that I am an old granny but I actually really enjoy learning to play golf. It's a great bonding activity for me and my dad and you don’t have to be athletic at all to get the hang of golf. (On the low, learning to play golf will pay off in your future careers as it is amazing for business and closing deals on the course. Not that you need golf to be a boss but you get the point.
Dancing: I am obsessed with the commercial style hiphop… the types of dance videos you see on your explore page with professional dancers. There’s a famous studio called Playground LA that is offering at home tutorials for $10. Try it out alone or with a friend… I even did a combo with my mom and it was SO fun.
My Fictional Besties
New shows I liked: Gilmore girls, Euphoria, Bridgerton, High School Musical The Musical The Series, Emily in Paris, All American, Too Hot To Handle, Outerbanks, and now the Bachelor. These all are kind of basic but I really enjoyed these happy go lucky shows… dm on instagram (@dearmondayblog) so we can talk about characters and plot and everything!!! Oh also, over the summer I was at the mall and ran into the actress who plays Lily Vanderwoodsen-Bass-Humphery and I straight up went up to her starstruck but also talked to her as if she was really her fictional character. Just goes to show how attached I am to these Netflix stars.
Makin’ the World A Better Place
On an intellectual level, I’ve really been wanting to become more educated about my community and the struggles of my peers and neighbors. Here’s what I did and you can too:
Volunteer to tutor students who attend low income schools. If you don’t know of an organization that already organises this work, reach out the neighborhood YMCA, Boys’ and Girls’ Clubs, or even individual schools and offer your services to 2nd and 3rd graders who are falling behind right now.
Phone Banking: If you’re interested in politics and legislation, phone banking and virtual lobbying are some great ways to become civicly engaged in your community. Anybody can attend a city council meeting too… you might want to try it to learn about the issues affecting your community.
Favorite Time Of The Day
Watch the sunset and listen to vibey music every night. From your porch or a look out point, I’ve learned that watching the sunsets is the most perfect, beautiful way to end my day. That’s when I journal ;)